I love radio commercials.

They really do provide some absolutely wonderful material. And it's all from pure suckiness. Today, and at least a few times before, I heard an absolutely retarded one. Just For Brakes, they do a whole lot of brake jobs apparently, over 1 million last year. But that part is the meat and potatoes of the ad. It's the end that kills me. The jingle goes like this... "At Just for Brakes, we really do.........CARE!" I've decided that this could be the worst jingle of all time. Let's break down the reasons:

1. It doesn't rhyme at all. Any good jingle has some level of rhyming to it, even if it's ABCDEC or something along those lines. The rhyme sticks in your head. They just have this horrible knack for annoying the shit out of you, but after the 10000th time you hear it, you can't get the motherfucker out of your head. I've had myself at work and singing radio goddamned commercial jingles for hours on end. It's miserable. But I do remember who to call if I need a plumber or locksmith or something like that.

2. The phone number never appears in the fucker. Jingles need to have the phone number. Something to remind you, "yes, call this when you need us." Like (and I don't remember exactly who this is for but "867-0916. 1,2,3,4 open the door." That has the number in it. And it rhymes. This is a winning jingle.

3. To be perfect it has to be incredibly crazy catchy. The kind of thing that would lead you to sing it when at work for hours on end. And when I say catchy, just humming isn't good enough. It needs to be all out singing. And not just singing to yourself when you're in the car. I'm talking singing balls to the wall in public surrounded by people that see you on a regular basis. The kind of singing usually reserved for great songs, stuff by Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, and the Rolling Stones.

So where does teh Just For Brakes one fall short? Well, first it doesn't rhyme. I was expecting something more like "At just for brakes, we really do....brakes." Granted that would suck too, but better than care. And that pause between do and care is just SOOOOOO long. Gives you time to think of stuff they should be saying instead of the world care. Second. No phone number. Not even mention of how to contact them. Imagine I need help with my brakes right away. what do I do? Do I look for the nearest, cheapest place or do I search out the fuckers that got that jingle stuck in my fucking head? Answer is no. 2. I may hate the jingle but it will work on me, I'm a weak soul. And lastly, it's not catchy at all. Before I sat down, I actually had to think to myself, how did that goddamned annoying stupid ass jingle i heard today go? Usually, it's more like why can't i get that fucker out of my head? Instead of writing about how annoying it was being stuck in my head, i'm writing about how much it sucks. And it really really sucks. big time.

Ok, that should occupy some minds for a few, that and my wrist is hurting from typing. So on that note, fuck off bastards!