The most anticipated new post of the season!

Ok, so maybe it's not, but it might be, I don't know. Which got me thinking, when they say on TV that something is the "most anticipated new drama of the season." how do they know? Do they go into a football stadium and say the names of every new drama and gauge the response in decibels? Or do they have an enthusi-meter that i don't know about? I would think that would be one of the great inventions of the 21st century if they could invent it. An enthusi-meter, measures someone's enthusiasms. That would sooooo rock my face off. I can just see it now. "You have a test tomorrow!!!" and the meter goes to the red. "All the points on it are extra credit, worst you can do is a 0 out of 0." and it shoots way up to 100 (out of 100 of course). I think i shall work on this. The only real question is how would one gauge enthuasticness?

Well, here are the possibilities. First, the simplest, decibels. If a person screams really loudly, well, they're usually happy. But then again, this is Tech and usually people scream in disgust at things much louder. So maybe it should be inverse. If a person's really really happy, they may just sit there and smile. But then again, there are way too many other reactions, like sighing. Which entails disgust but it's so quiet. Maybe i should shoot more for particular decibel levels meaning different things, then the meter would fluxuate like crazy. I don't think it would work too well, but it would be highly amusing to watch it go from enthused to not enthused to down right pissed off, back up to happy as hell, then plummetting to psychotic rage. I would rather enjoy this, might be better than a working enthusi-meter.

So it's like a month later and I don't even remember where i was in this post before this so i'll just start up from this point for a few lines, make this a short one. Nah, never mind, i'm just gonna keep going. So i've realized alot of people think i'm very pessimistic, especially my mom. Really and truly, it's the opposite of that, i look forward to every day so i can get a further glimpse into the absolute idiocy that is humanity. We really are a race of morons. I honestly think if we weren't, there would be no stand up comedy, which would be sad. Stand up is half of the reason I don't get to the point that i jsut swerve into someone while driving. Note to self, don't go to work for post office until i get rage under control :-P

Ok, so where was i there? no idea. I think what needs to be said most is that standards are very frustrating things. I have ones that are way too high. So if you happen to be a girl that I have ever asked out on a date (not a fraternity function), be flattered, you met extremely high criteria. On the other hand, if I skipped the whole asking you out on a date thing, well, that doesn't say anything about my standards sorry, you may meet them you may not. Girl I want to date, high standards. Girl I want to mess around with, pulse. Ok, so that makes me kinda despicable, perhaps, but it does solidify the fact that I am a guy, we're all this kind of asshole. I almost hate to be the one to break it to the fine honeys in the audience, but it's true.

And that's a term I do love (and have mentioned before), "Honeys". It's a great word. Better than bitches, or hoes, not quite the "fly fly honey sweetness", but still high quality. There is no girl in this world that would be mad for using the word Honey. On the other hand, sweet cheeks, chesty mcchesticles, babe, boobarella and countless others don't go over nearly as well. I think i'm gonna start that, boobarella, sounds like a porn name. Actually, i'm gonna look that up now and see if it is.

Ok, so it is. And the best part, the cast.... Angel Bust, Candy Canteloupes, Lisa Lipps, and the list goes on. That is phenomenal. Porn names fascinate me. I think i would want to be either Harry Schlongstein (keep some jew in it) or Greg Antuan (like gargantuan). I think that's a good one, wonder if it's been used, time to check. And NO!!! So i am the first to use it. Chances are teh last as well since it might be a little to intellectual for the jerkin' the derkin' crowd that watches that stuff.

Best thing about porn...the plots. I really want to know how you get a writing job for a porn. Do you write a screenplay taht really sucks and then a guy goes "you have a talent for bad writing, i can afford you" so you write his porn? That would suck, imagine at a party "what do you do?" "I write porn scripts" "I thought they had blind monkeys dance on keyboards for that?" "nope, close, they get me and a bunch of retarded kids and offer a lollipop to the first one to hand in a script, I win about 1 out of every 15 times." Now that would be funny and embarassing, and as long as it wasn't me, even funnier. And nothing is quite as funny as watching other people writhe uncomfortably. Oh well, I guess it might be time to end this one, and maybe, just maybe, i'll put up a new one in teh next week or so.