Like, right on the left lower part, just above my pants....but i'm too lazy to pull my shirt up or even move my hands from teh keyboard right now, so it'll stay that way. Ok, so it became unbearable and i had to give in. I mean, you ever get that itch that's not that bad, but it builds and builds til eventually, you feel like you're going to explode? But you can't give in, you feel like if you do, you're a lesser person or something. But I gave in, yes, it's true. I suck now, I must suck at life or something like that. But don't tell me that, tell it to this brand new puppet (my new mascot). Ok, so you can't see a puppet, can you? You must be blind, get those eyes checked. That's right, Bitches. So now that I have your attention, assuming your shoddy eyes can still read, on to the rest of the post....
Rules for wearing clothes: 1. If you aren't sure whether you should wear shorts or not and the temperature outside is higher than 80 degrees, then you shouldn't ever wear anything other than baggy shirts and pants, or dresses (option for women only), cause you aren't wondering whether to wear it for practical reasons (heat) but for asthetics (you're fat). 2. If you can't see a body part on the front side, don't wear any clothing tha forces us to see any body part other than your head, hands, wrists or forearms. 3. If you don't look in the mirror cause you don't like what you see, then don't make me look at it, I'm sensitive, and it's likely to warp my fragile little mind. 4. If you have to ask "Does this make me look fat?" the answer is most likely yes, cause we don't know, but really, does an outfit have an effect on that or should you just face facts? If it does, would some girl explain before I dig myself into a deeper whole by suggesting they should wear nothing other than baggy sweats everyday for the rest of their lives?
So yeah, it might seem like I'm picking on fat people, but I'm not. I just find it much too annoying when there are people walking around in clothes that they should never wear for the sake of humanity. Not like i'm asking all ugly people to walk around in masks, cause while that is a good idea, it would be considered insensitive and that's just not practical, since they would have to walk around in masks and really, they could make faces at us all day long without us knowing. I mean, FUCK SENSITIVITY!!! I don't particularly care what most people think, I'm worried about losing my sight to some fatass walking around in a tank top and daisy dukes. Sure, call me an asshole, I am being one about this, but hey, you're the one reading this aren't you? And you've read it before, so you've come to terms with the fact that I'm really bitter and I think the world is made up of degenerates and morons....
Speaking of morons, I have an idea for a new traffic system. You know those pollen counts and stuff like that where they go "pollen count is at 10000000 today, if you go outside you will immediately cease respiratory function due to the fact you will be breathing only pollen, no actual air will make it thru" well, think if instead of that there was an "Idiot Count" each day. On a day with an idiot count of 0, I'm the only one on the road, or at least there are so few that the chances of running into an idiot is close to 0. On a day with a count around 10, there are a few slow-downs due to pure stupidity, where if the drivers were smarter than they are traffic would be at 65 but since they're not it's at 50, not the end of the world, just stupidity. A count of 100 means there's an accident that could have been avoided but obviously people who don't know how to drive caused an accident, blocked up lanes and that stopped up traffic a bit. 500 is where 100 happened and those motherfuckers that think it lookes cool over in the crash are rubbernecking causing my 5 min. accident delay to be more like 20 min. 2000 is the pinnacle, my favorite and an Atlanta favorite, starts with 100, progresses to 500 and the problems along with the fact that merge and stop are the same word here, it gets worse. But wait, there's more, imagine if you will, rather than stopping properly, one of the cars plows into the car in front of it. This causes a second 100 and in turn a second 500. Now the inability to take side streets, carpool, merge, think, drive, use blinkers, look before changing lanes, or keep proper distance all take effect. This multiplies the accident and you hear the following words over the radio "(insert highway here) is a parking lot from (insert area here) to (insert second area miles away here) and it doesn't look like it's going anywhere soon. I think the front crash is 6 SUVs, all single passenger. The second crash looks much the same, alot of SUVs, I hear they were all on cell phones while changing radio stations and trying to get stuff from their back seats. Yes, you heard me right, it's miles of idiots below me." And all this without even getting to a 10000.
So yeah, there it is, my rant about stupid people is over for the night, so in turn, the post is over, cause that's what i do :-D
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
That's a spicy a meataballa
So yeah, two posts, less than 24 hours, what are you going to do? Explode? That's not my suggestion. I was going to suggest drinking until there is nothing left to drink. cause really, given the choice would you rather read this while existing as particulate matter stuck to the walls in a post explosion phase or would you prefer reading this drunk? I would side with drunk, since it would make my random rants and raving writings seem almost coherent, or even less so and in turn more amusing.
But today I had to write cause i realized what is the worst torture ever, the dentist. Not becuase they prod your teeth or it might hurt, but due to the real injustice. They make you sit in the ultra-super-crazy-amazingly comfortable chair, and then they make you stay awake in it while they fiddle with your teeth. I think those crazy arab fuckers out there (and if you don't know whether you're one or not, you probably are) have nothing on a dentist. I mean, those guys put you in uncomfortable situations and make them less comfortable. Now imagine the shock your body would go thru if they made you both exceedingly comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Think about it....ok, done. So now you see my point? good, I don't, so i'll just assume you know what i was talking about back there and I no longer have any clue. I think now's a time for a short break, i'll be right back to finish this sucker up. Time is currently 1:59 PM...
Time is now 2:00 am. short break is over. after talking to my only reader (and yes, i know more than one person reads this, but that's her new title) i've decided to get this one started again. so let's go over what i realized today. People are stupid until they prove themselves otherwise, even if only for a second. If you are unable to prove that you have any intelligence at all, i will submit my request to the desk at the white house you be taken out back and treated like you're a dog and "Old Yeller" is about to end. Speaking of old movies, I really like them. I think more people need to see the classics, like "Seven Samauri" or "Von Ryan's Express". But if you think those are too old for you, i would suggest the contemperary classics such as "Attack of the Killer Tomatos", "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", "Weekend at Bernie's 2" and of course, the greatest film of the last 25 years "The Day After Tomorrow". Note: If you think this last sentence was serious, please do the world a favor and remove your baby making organs. Since it would be illegal for me to kill you, i'd prefer you were removed from the gene pool by some permanent manner other than that.
So back to the classics. I really think that Attack of the Killer Tomatos should be required viewing in every film class as an example of what not to do unless so stoned you can't tell which direction is up or what a really really shitty film looks like. As far as killer klowns goes, it must be watched for many reasons. First, the bad guys are fucking clowns, how stupid is that. I mean, it worked in It, but that's cause it wasn't really a clown. These dumbasses went, you know what'd be cool, clowns that kill people, wouldn't that be scary? Now what kind of a idiot thought this was a good idea. I mean, the script comes across your desk, you read it and say "wow, this'll make us millions!!! i thought waterworld was where it's at, and boy was i wrong, this one's even better, let's make both." But yeah, this movie, has ingenious things in it like turning people they kill into giant cotton candy things and then thye used these huge crazy straws that they stuck into them to suck the blood out. I mean, really, these people, they should be shot for coming up with such a bad movie. If not shot, i say we drown them in the proverbial gene pool, by holding them under a hot tub at a skeezy motel, i mean there have to be plenty of genes in there. It probably doesn't get cleaned all that often either. So we're talking about the closest thing to the gene pool is a hot tub full of "genes". Anyway, back to the classics right?
So weekend at bernie's 2, which from this point forward will just be referred to as Andrew McCarthy Career Killer or AMCK, cause that's what it did. Yeah, this movie, I mean, the first one was funny, but really got old. Cuase dragging a dead guy around for 90 min. not only is pretty disgusting, i mean imagine the smell, but really, could you fool that many people for that long? I can only imagine it. I die before i have to make some major presentation and i have this assistant that decides he'll convince everyone i'm alive by walking with me over his arm for days, telling them i'm drunk. Then they'll all go, that ben, so silly, always drinking to the point where we don't know if he's dead or not, wait, is he dead? I don't know...hahahahaha. I mean, really, Andy, what were you thinking....the first one, you could have hidden it in the vaults, pretended you never did it, or even enjoy that you were in a cult classic, but my god what do you do? Make AMCK, a sequel. And what happens in it? he gets cursed so he walks around looking for this gold. And the hilarity ensues when he starts to wander all over jamacia. Wow, best script since KKFOS i swear. But yeah, i mean, really, what person actively pursues ways to kill their careers. A sequel of a movie about a dead guy. how much can you do before it gets WAY too old, shoot him a few times? wait, they did that, 5 times. Drop him? many times. Lose him? half the movie. I mean, i thought the gag got old about 4 years earlier when they made teh first one, but that must be just me. Hopefully someone out ther agrees with me on this.
Last and certainly not least, this generations second greatest comedy (behind Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, but more about that some other time, go see it!!!) The Day After Tomorrow. I know what you're saying, "wasn't that a disaster movie?" the next armageddon, deep impact, or maybe even if it's lucky Volcano. But no, they got what they wished was half as good as Dante's Peak ( an absolute bomb if you didn't remember, which unlike AMCK, Pierce Brosnan hid it away and nobody remembered it, they just remember movies like bond and Thomas Crown Affair, smart man, Andy, why coulnd't you be like him? do you see a Dante's Peak 2: Dante's Crack? No, LEARN PEOPLE LEARN!!!). So DAT, this movie was so ridiculous and stupid that I think even the experts in the movie were going, wait, this is full of shit, this can't happen. I just realized I'm in a movie that was made by hippies to warn us about global warming. That's kinda cool and groovy. What's not cool and groovy is that i think they wrote it on acid or shrooms, possibly even X. But this script had no lines outside of RUN!! SAVE ME!!! for a good 30 min. But that's not what makes this so funny, that's only part. My favorite line in the whole movie comes from the character that you have to hate cause he's the rich prick that steals the girl the sweet main character pines for. So Jake Gyllenhall is this sweet kid and he sees the girl and is pining for her when the "asshole" comes over and says "Just tell her how you feel..." I mean really, just tell her how you feel? Two things wrong with that more than the other stuff. First, for that character to say it was just comical. Second, that's the kind of thing that a girl can say, if a guy ever says just tell her/him how you feel, he's not gay, cause not even gay guys do that, he's just a guy that wishes he was a girl and you know what, he might just be a cross-dresser. But yeah, highly comical. i just laughed and laughed the whole movie. And i realized it could have been salvaged if the movie ended about 5 minutes before it did, but then, the stupidity kept flowing, i mean, really you have to see this to believe it, i can't even explain how bad it was. Ok, time for sleep, talk to you tomorrow mr. blog, maybe, or it could be next week. Only my only reader will know.
But today I had to write cause i realized what is the worst torture ever, the dentist. Not becuase they prod your teeth or it might hurt, but due to the real injustice. They make you sit in the ultra-super-crazy-amazingly comfortable chair, and then they make you stay awake in it while they fiddle with your teeth. I think those crazy arab fuckers out there (and if you don't know whether you're one or not, you probably are) have nothing on a dentist. I mean, those guys put you in uncomfortable situations and make them less comfortable. Now imagine the shock your body would go thru if they made you both exceedingly comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Think about it....ok, done. So now you see my point? good, I don't, so i'll just assume you know what i was talking about back there and I no longer have any clue. I think now's a time for a short break, i'll be right back to finish this sucker up. Time is currently 1:59 PM...
Time is now 2:00 am. short break is over. after talking to my only reader (and yes, i know more than one person reads this, but that's her new title) i've decided to get this one started again. so let's go over what i realized today. People are stupid until they prove themselves otherwise, even if only for a second. If you are unable to prove that you have any intelligence at all, i will submit my request to the desk at the white house you be taken out back and treated like you're a dog and "Old Yeller" is about to end. Speaking of old movies, I really like them. I think more people need to see the classics, like "Seven Samauri" or "Von Ryan's Express". But if you think those are too old for you, i would suggest the contemperary classics such as "Attack of the Killer Tomatos", "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", "Weekend at Bernie's 2" and of course, the greatest film of the last 25 years "The Day After Tomorrow". Note: If you think this last sentence was serious, please do the world a favor and remove your baby making organs. Since it would be illegal for me to kill you, i'd prefer you were removed from the gene pool by some permanent manner other than that.
So back to the classics. I really think that Attack of the Killer Tomatos should be required viewing in every film class as an example of what not to do unless so stoned you can't tell which direction is up or what a really really shitty film looks like. As far as killer klowns goes, it must be watched for many reasons. First, the bad guys are fucking clowns, how stupid is that. I mean, it worked in It, but that's cause it wasn't really a clown. These dumbasses went, you know what'd be cool, clowns that kill people, wouldn't that be scary? Now what kind of a idiot thought this was a good idea. I mean, the script comes across your desk, you read it and say "wow, this'll make us millions!!! i thought waterworld was where it's at, and boy was i wrong, this one's even better, let's make both." But yeah, this movie, has ingenious things in it like turning people they kill into giant cotton candy things and then thye used these huge crazy straws that they stuck into them to suck the blood out. I mean, really, these people, they should be shot for coming up with such a bad movie. If not shot, i say we drown them in the proverbial gene pool, by holding them under a hot tub at a skeezy motel, i mean there have to be plenty of genes in there. It probably doesn't get cleaned all that often either. So we're talking about the closest thing to the gene pool is a hot tub full of "genes". Anyway, back to the classics right?
So weekend at bernie's 2, which from this point forward will just be referred to as Andrew McCarthy Career Killer or AMCK, cause that's what it did. Yeah, this movie, I mean, the first one was funny, but really got old. Cuase dragging a dead guy around for 90 min. not only is pretty disgusting, i mean imagine the smell, but really, could you fool that many people for that long? I can only imagine it. I die before i have to make some major presentation and i have this assistant that decides he'll convince everyone i'm alive by walking with me over his arm for days, telling them i'm drunk. Then they'll all go, that ben, so silly, always drinking to the point where we don't know if he's dead or not, wait, is he dead? I don't know...hahahahaha. I mean, really, Andy, what were you thinking....the first one, you could have hidden it in the vaults, pretended you never did it, or even enjoy that you were in a cult classic, but my god what do you do? Make AMCK, a sequel. And what happens in it? he gets cursed so he walks around looking for this gold. And the hilarity ensues when he starts to wander all over jamacia. Wow, best script since KKFOS i swear. But yeah, i mean, really, what person actively pursues ways to kill their careers. A sequel of a movie about a dead guy. how much can you do before it gets WAY too old, shoot him a few times? wait, they did that, 5 times. Drop him? many times. Lose him? half the movie. I mean, i thought the gag got old about 4 years earlier when they made teh first one, but that must be just me. Hopefully someone out ther agrees with me on this.
Last and certainly not least, this generations second greatest comedy (behind Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, but more about that some other time, go see it!!!) The Day After Tomorrow. I know what you're saying, "wasn't that a disaster movie?" the next armageddon, deep impact, or maybe even if it's lucky Volcano. But no, they got what they wished was half as good as Dante's Peak ( an absolute bomb if you didn't remember, which unlike AMCK, Pierce Brosnan hid it away and nobody remembered it, they just remember movies like bond and Thomas Crown Affair, smart man, Andy, why coulnd't you be like him? do you see a Dante's Peak 2: Dante's Crack? No, LEARN PEOPLE LEARN!!!). So DAT, this movie was so ridiculous and stupid that I think even the experts in the movie were going, wait, this is full of shit, this can't happen. I just realized I'm in a movie that was made by hippies to warn us about global warming. That's kinda cool and groovy. What's not cool and groovy is that i think they wrote it on acid or shrooms, possibly even X. But this script had no lines outside of RUN!! SAVE ME!!! for a good 30 min. But that's not what makes this so funny, that's only part. My favorite line in the whole movie comes from the character that you have to hate cause he's the rich prick that steals the girl the sweet main character pines for. So Jake Gyllenhall is this sweet kid and he sees the girl and is pining for her when the "asshole" comes over and says "Just tell her how you feel..." I mean really, just tell her how you feel? Two things wrong with that more than the other stuff. First, for that character to say it was just comical. Second, that's the kind of thing that a girl can say, if a guy ever says just tell her/him how you feel, he's not gay, cause not even gay guys do that, he's just a guy that wishes he was a girl and you know what, he might just be a cross-dresser. But yeah, highly comical. i just laughed and laughed the whole movie. And i realized it could have been salvaged if the movie ended about 5 minutes before it did, but then, the stupidity kept flowing, i mean, really you have to see this to believe it, i can't even explain how bad it was. Ok, time for sleep, talk to you tomorrow mr. blog, maybe, or it could be next week. Only my only reader will know.
If only everyone were as good looking as me, then we wouldn't need ugly people, would we?
or something like that. It sounded witty in my head anyway. Cause I mean, if everyone looked like me, then I guess nobody would be beautiful or ugly, they'd all be me. In other words, this would no longer be earth, but planet Dead Sexy! And if they all looked like me, would they think kinda like me too? I mean, wouldn't that be a possibility, that everyone is driving and then regardless of who's at fault, they all think they're the good driver and the other person should be removed from the gene pool. And speaking of removing people from the gene pool....
So on my way back from the officers' meeting, I hear this commercial that went something like this..."Nicaragua isn't it the news that much anymore. There are people here who suck at life. Help them with our program 'Hooked on Nutrition'. We'll give them a sack of ho-hos and maybe a twinkie if they roll over, play dead, and even do our favorite trick, read. So donate to us, the Amigos for Christ, to save those silly mexican wanna-bes down in Nicaragua." Ok, so that wasn't quite it, I really only remembered the first line and the name of the group and that they send food to the people, so the rest is made up, big shock there. Anyway, i forget where I was going cause i got sidetracked by a 45 min. phone conversation. 10 pts. if you can guess who the conversation was with, 10 if you can guess what it was about, 10 if you are that person, and 10 if you bring me candy. Anyone totalling 30 points is ultra cool, 40 pts, well, then thank you 100 lbs. of fury. But yeah, so Amigos for Christ. I really thought it was a joke at first. Like it sounded the kind of quality that you would hear if SNL was a radio show and that was the fake commercial for the show. I was almost expecting them to be like "Amigos for Christ will send them one package of chips a day with salsa. Every third day, they get nacho cheese, every fifth day, they get beef topping. on that fifteenth day, we throw in a few beers and it's a party!!! Who says the poor and impoverished in Nicaragua can't have a siesta now and again?" I really wish that had been the way it went, would have been much better. The real problem is that the commercial got me thinking about Sally Struthers, and if you ever want a joykill, just picture her, and BOOM!
So, anyway, where was I? I think I had a point to today's blog, but then wait a second, these never have a point, they're just pointless ways for me to rant and get people to slowly but surely agree with my right-thinking attitude. And when i say right thinking, i mean correct, not right wing (for those who need verification, read the "'pubs are stupid" post), cause that would be a horrible mistake. I think if everyone thought like me, even better than if they looked like me, well, then we'd all be a lot smarter on average. Not saying I'm a genius or anything, but if you gave my intelligence to all the fuckin' idiots out there in the world, you realize that this would be smarter on average. Granted, we wouldn't have any real geniuses around, and we'd lose more braincells to rugby than otherwise, but hey, woulnd't be so stupid that velcro would need directions.
Ever notice that, they have directions for everything now. I mean, really, who needs directions for soap, or shampoo, or anything like that. I'm waiting for the banana with directions on the peel. one side with have a nice drawn out demonstration, and all the others will just have "peel me" written on them. And I can just imagine the day when someone is so dumb they peel the banana with directions and they peel the side with the diagram on it, so once they 've peeled that one side, they have to find a way to hold that side up long enough to apply the diagram to each side in turn til the thing is edible. I'm imagining the scenario with the monkeys all making fun of us for being so damned stupid and they're just sitting there eating their bananas by common sense, and we're sitting there reading the freaking directions. Then, they take the gun, and we sign to them "give back teh gun." and they say "give me the fucking bananas" and we're like "you can speak english?", so they say "yes, now give me the fucking bananas." Eddie Izzard reference for those that didn't catch it.
So what else was there going on? not much since it's about 2 am and i think 6 hours sounds like a good amount of sleep. Hopefully tomorrow is a new day and i can get over myself and do what i need to get done before it's no longer doable. Or something lke that, which i say alot. I seem to say the same kinds of things alot. not ideas, but actual words, like "ever notice that..." or something along those lines. whatever, you think it's funny, just live with it. So from the whitest guy alive "peace out and shake a tailfeather" (isn't that what I say when i want to be blacker?)
So on my way back from the officers' meeting, I hear this commercial that went something like this..."Nicaragua isn't it the news that much anymore. There are people here who suck at life. Help them with our program 'Hooked on Nutrition'. We'll give them a sack of ho-hos and maybe a twinkie if they roll over, play dead, and even do our favorite trick, read. So donate to us, the Amigos for Christ, to save those silly mexican wanna-bes down in Nicaragua." Ok, so that wasn't quite it, I really only remembered the first line and the name of the group and that they send food to the people, so the rest is made up, big shock there. Anyway, i forget where I was going cause i got sidetracked by a 45 min. phone conversation. 10 pts. if you can guess who the conversation was with, 10 if you can guess what it was about, 10 if you are that person, and 10 if you bring me candy. Anyone totalling 30 points is ultra cool, 40 pts, well, then thank you 100 lbs. of fury. But yeah, so Amigos for Christ. I really thought it was a joke at first. Like it sounded the kind of quality that you would hear if SNL was a radio show and that was the fake commercial for the show. I was almost expecting them to be like "Amigos for Christ will send them one package of chips a day with salsa. Every third day, they get nacho cheese, every fifth day, they get beef topping. on that fifteenth day, we throw in a few beers and it's a party!!! Who says the poor and impoverished in Nicaragua can't have a siesta now and again?" I really wish that had been the way it went, would have been much better. The real problem is that the commercial got me thinking about Sally Struthers, and if you ever want a joykill, just picture her, and BOOM!
So, anyway, where was I? I think I had a point to today's blog, but then wait a second, these never have a point, they're just pointless ways for me to rant and get people to slowly but surely agree with my right-thinking attitude. And when i say right thinking, i mean correct, not right wing (for those who need verification, read the "'pubs are stupid" post), cause that would be a horrible mistake. I think if everyone thought like me, even better than if they looked like me, well, then we'd all be a lot smarter on average. Not saying I'm a genius or anything, but if you gave my intelligence to all the fuckin' idiots out there in the world, you realize that this would be smarter on average. Granted, we wouldn't have any real geniuses around, and we'd lose more braincells to rugby than otherwise, but hey, woulnd't be so stupid that velcro would need directions.
Ever notice that, they have directions for everything now. I mean, really, who needs directions for soap, or shampoo, or anything like that. I'm waiting for the banana with directions on the peel. one side with have a nice drawn out demonstration, and all the others will just have "peel me" written on them. And I can just imagine the day when someone is so dumb they peel the banana with directions and they peel the side with the diagram on it, so once they 've peeled that one side, they have to find a way to hold that side up long enough to apply the diagram to each side in turn til the thing is edible. I'm imagining the scenario with the monkeys all making fun of us for being so damned stupid and they're just sitting there eating their bananas by common sense, and we're sitting there reading the freaking directions. Then, they take the gun, and we sign to them "give back teh gun." and they say "give me the fucking bananas" and we're like "you can speak english?", so they say "yes, now give me the fucking bananas." Eddie Izzard reference for those that didn't catch it.
So what else was there going on? not much since it's about 2 am and i think 6 hours sounds like a good amount of sleep. Hopefully tomorrow is a new day and i can get over myself and do what i need to get done before it's no longer doable. Or something lke that, which i say alot. I seem to say the same kinds of things alot. not ideas, but actual words, like "ever notice that..." or something along those lines. whatever, you think it's funny, just live with it. So from the whitest guy alive "peace out and shake a tailfeather" (isn't that what I say when i want to be blacker?)
Friday, August 06, 2004
Hung like a wookie...
I've decided that now the titles of these posts don't have to have anything at all to do with the posts themselves. Cause really, what's the damned point of giving away what i'm going to talk about in the first line. I want to keep you in suspense, hooked, draw you in and let you go when i'm done. You're screwed you have to listen to me now if you want to know what this post is going to be about. See, you know, once i've realized that you're probably going to read the whole thing once you're in this far, I can just ramble on and on and on and on and on and on and on...so for my noble following, I shall begin the rant :)
The new thing I realized I can't stand to day are people that hold signs on street corners. I saw this one guy with a sign that said "Bring Our Troops Home" and sure I agree with him, but that doesn't mean I like him holding up the sign. I was thinking, I should walk up to him and say, no, leave them there, we should add more guys, leave none of them home, send them all abroad. Or something like that. I might have felt a bit like a jackass, but it's still better than being the schmuck holding the sign. I think I'm gonna get sign made up that says "I hate pedestrians" and hold it up while walking thru crosswalks for hours on end. Sure, again, i'd feel like a jackass, but still better than being someone holding a serious sign. The other ideas for signs would be "People can read suck" or "Reading this sign causes impotence". And think if it really did. You know you would send it to that guy you hate (an ex or a good friend's ex or your mortal enemy, whatever). I mean, what better revenge than causing impotence. That would be absolute torture and I personally don't even want to imagine it.
The other thing that I'm realizing (watching cartoon network) is just how cracked out a whole lot of commercials and/or cartoons are. They really don't worry about looking sane, they just do what they do. I mean, think about the fruity pebbles commercials. Fred puts more money into stopping his best friend from taking his damned pebbles than he does around his car, tv or the rest of the house in general. And there was one where barney steals his car to get the pebbles, and what does fred scream you ask? is it "give me back my car you danish prick?" (and yes, he is danish, i mean, just look at that nose and the hair and the fact he's blond, etc.) or "just take the fucking cereal and give me back the damned car"? no, it's "Give me back my fruity pebbles", i mean, really, "give me back my fruity pebbles", is that the best he can come up with? Really, are they that important? they're just fucking fruity damned pebbles, i figure he can definitely afford to replace them. The real question is why can't barney afford his own? I mean, he has a house, car, wife. He could definitely get a few boxes for betty. I mean, she was played by Rosie O'Donnel in the movie, and I don't know how many boxes i could get for her, but i have a feeling it's more than the 3 in the car he stole. And grand theft auto doesn't come as a charge for selling your wife. And then the car, there are at least a few thousand bowls for that, and then the house, well, i won't even go there. But really, if he's so poor he can't afford that cereal, then he should just sell the car, the house, drop betty off at the corner of ponce and monroe, and call it a life. Honestly.
That gets me wondering, and yes that does mean trouble, what they would have called ponce in a prehistoric times. I mean, would it have been some other explorer? Like "jim of cave 51" ave. or maybe it would be something simple like "that guy" dr. or "random explorer type that came here first before we learned to write things down so we don't know his name" blvd. I think those are all perfectly viable names for it. Juniper still would have been the same name though, so we could still find the intersection to drop her off at.
Well, I'm running out of ideas for today, and i have work later, so i'm gonna stop typing now, so live with it.
The new thing I realized I can't stand to day are people that hold signs on street corners. I saw this one guy with a sign that said "Bring Our Troops Home" and sure I agree with him, but that doesn't mean I like him holding up the sign. I was thinking, I should walk up to him and say, no, leave them there, we should add more guys, leave none of them home, send them all abroad. Or something like that. I might have felt a bit like a jackass, but it's still better than being the schmuck holding the sign. I think I'm gonna get sign made up that says "I hate pedestrians" and hold it up while walking thru crosswalks for hours on end. Sure, again, i'd feel like a jackass, but still better than being someone holding a serious sign. The other ideas for signs would be "People can read suck" or "Reading this sign causes impotence". And think if it really did. You know you would send it to that guy you hate (an ex or a good friend's ex or your mortal enemy, whatever). I mean, what better revenge than causing impotence. That would be absolute torture and I personally don't even want to imagine it.
The other thing that I'm realizing (watching cartoon network) is just how cracked out a whole lot of commercials and/or cartoons are. They really don't worry about looking sane, they just do what they do. I mean, think about the fruity pebbles commercials. Fred puts more money into stopping his best friend from taking his damned pebbles than he does around his car, tv or the rest of the house in general. And there was one where barney steals his car to get the pebbles, and what does fred scream you ask? is it "give me back my car you danish prick?" (and yes, he is danish, i mean, just look at that nose and the hair and the fact he's blond, etc.) or "just take the fucking cereal and give me back the damned car"? no, it's "Give me back my fruity pebbles", i mean, really, "give me back my fruity pebbles", is that the best he can come up with? Really, are they that important? they're just fucking fruity damned pebbles, i figure he can definitely afford to replace them. The real question is why can't barney afford his own? I mean, he has a house, car, wife. He could definitely get a few boxes for betty. I mean, she was played by Rosie O'Donnel in the movie, and I don't know how many boxes i could get for her, but i have a feeling it's more than the 3 in the car he stole. And grand theft auto doesn't come as a charge for selling your wife. And then the car, there are at least a few thousand bowls for that, and then the house, well, i won't even go there. But really, if he's so poor he can't afford that cereal, then he should just sell the car, the house, drop betty off at the corner of ponce and monroe, and call it a life. Honestly.
That gets me wondering, and yes that does mean trouble, what they would have called ponce in a prehistoric times. I mean, would it have been some other explorer? Like "jim of cave 51" ave. or maybe it would be something simple like "that guy" dr. or "random explorer type that came here first before we learned to write things down so we don't know his name" blvd. I think those are all perfectly viable names for it. Juniper still would have been the same name though, so we could still find the intersection to drop her off at.
Well, I'm running out of ideas for today, and i have work later, so i'm gonna stop typing now, so live with it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)