Here's Johnny!

So, It's official, I'm back. Well, maybe not consistently, but I am for now. That should be good enough for all of you, but if it isn't...Piss off!! Well, don't. Stay and read. Then you can piss off, cause by then I've already sucked you in and your mind is mine for the taking (insert evil laugh here). But seriously, I'm writing this since something dire has come to mind. It's a tragedy, and by now, most of you have heard about it I'm sure. No marathon can fix it, as often happens with natural disasters. But alas, this is not a natural disaster, but more one of my own making. What is it you ask? I shall enlighten you below.

As most of you would notice, I am in fact male. Being male, that means two things. First, I love to eat. But that is not what is on my mind. Second, and more obvious, I love boobies (to be hereafter referred to as either boobs, breasts, breastecies, or bajongajongs). Now, it came to mind that in all my posts I have talked about every subject imaginable. I have talked politics (or just simple smear campaigns), cartoons, cereal, heck you name the subject I've at least considered it. But to this time, not boobs. And this is something I want to figure out why. As I mentioned with this whole male thing, breasts are constantly on my mind. If I'm not wondering about whose I want to see, then I'm actually attempting to see someone's. I hope girls don't take this as shallow, it's just male. I like boobs, plain and simple. Even gay guys like them, you can ask 'em, they'll tell you.

They're really quite this entrancing thing to us. We're kinda like "wow, I don't have those. I wonder why not? I must know what it would be like to have my own. But that's not fun, I can just assume if I had them, I would play with them and look at them. So here goes nothing, I'll just play with and look at them and that will make me happy." Or it's some approximation of this. And going back to those names I had earlier. I'll straighten it out for any of the female population that doesn't get them. We do in fact use those names for them. Not exclusively those. But I tend to use those most often. Tits was left out for good reason. I feel a little dirty when I say the word. I mean, in public I can't exactly say "she's got nice tits." I'd get looked at funny. But if I say "how about those bajongajongs?" well, people disregard it as a foreign language.

Anyway, this all came to mind due to the travesty that I was trying to mention earlier. This being the total lack of breastecies in my life over the past, oh let's shoot with.....2 years. So this lack of boobage has seriously affected my outlook on life. I think everyday seems gloomier than the last since it's just been that much longer since the last time I got to pull a Bronsky. Ahh, bronsky, my old friend. But getting back to the point. I think they should hold a telethon for me. I don't want stripper boobs, or prostitute breasts, that's not cool. I want some wholly original, actually wanting to be there boobs. Now that would seriously make my day.

But my days seem fine. Sure each one is gloomier, etc. However, I am a generally happy person as most of you know. So in all truth, when days get gloomier, it's really just been a slow downhill trend from incredibly upbeat to rather bemused. I think all it will take is just one moment of marvelousness and i'll be back to the ray of sunshine you know me to be.

On an entirely different note, I realized some of my recent posts sucked. Well this was due to lack of inspiration. For this I blame the world for not being nearly funny enough. I mean really, did you read some of the crap I've written since I got back from Europe? It really really really sucked. On a scale of one to crapola, it was an easy -15. This was the shitty of the shitty. But I feel I'm back to Old form, rambling incessantly (did i spell that right?), feeling mighty sexy, and on top of it all, i realized that my goal in life is to actually cause a death by laughter. I hope this gets the chuckle needed to start that. One day, there will be a man found holding on to his balls, dead in a chair, in front of my blog. Why his balls? Simple, if a man feels his life or well-being may be in danger, he protects what is most precious to him. Some may say it's their family, friends, possesions, but undeniably, it's his balls. If i was gonna die, i know that all i would worry about would be my balls, maybe the penis too. Possibly want to make sure nothing goes in my ass, cause that would suck. But main concern here would have to be the genitalia. I mean we call them the family jewels, but really, I would sooner give up jewels than those puppies. Fuck there are three things in this world money can't buy, Love, my right nut and my left nut. Simple as that end of story. Let me just remind everyone that I love my balls and boobs. That was the point of this whole post. Hope you enjoyed it, I know I did. And if i'm found dead one day and I'm not clutching my balls, would someone do me a favor, find this blog and post the word "Hypocrite" on here.

Thank you, Come again!