Just when things are looking up....

They go "hey, that's the fucking ceiling...who'da thunk it?" cause things have eyes too. And on top of that, they make observations....silly things. And what exactly is a thing? i like to think of it as not so much a person or a place, but the other option in 20 questions. Don't you just love that game, 20 questions? I think that's what I will do in this post, ask 20 questions. Really, i will. Do you doubt i'm capable? Well, that was already 3 questions, so FUCK YOU!!!! Haha, you should never bet against me when something frivolous is on the line, like nothing. That's like "you should never go against a sicilian when death is on the line". Know what movie that's from? If not, you should be herded into a small cage and made to watch the greatest movie (Princess Bride) until you have every line memorized. I can see it now, thousands of people, all watching it in a continuous loop. Ahh, so glorious a vision of mine.

Alrighty, so i'm back.....and where was I? Oh yeah, that makes 5. Silly bastards telling me I can't do it. Who do they think they are? Well, i'll tell you who, they're the leaders of the society of the WRONG! I think that should really be a society. That way, everyone who's wrong on a constant basis, like republicans, can all be in this one big group that we can all make fun of. Speaking of that kind of stuff, my brother sent me this map of america that i think is pretty cool and should become true. All the Kerry states join canada and become the United States of Canada, while all the Bush states get called Jesusland. Pretty fair and accurate description. Besides, Jesusland has a ring to it. The name USA, well, everyone knows it. It's so....boring, used, old. I think we need to rename countries every 20 years or so. I think that some good names could come out of that, also ones that wouldn't fit by the end of the 20 years, so that would be kinda funny. A good example, if we named them right now we'd have France become "Bigotted Assholes that Nobody Likes, but they make good wine" and England is "Tony Blair Land", but would have been "Crap Food, Good Beer" before him. Israel, well, in the first 20 years or so, would have just been named "Fucked", but then moved to "We may be small, but we carry a big fucking stick to whoop your arab ass with", and currently it would be "So we want peace, what the fuck is wrong with that? Fucking Arabs". I think my personal favorite progression of any country though, would be Russia. Think about it, they would have been "We Love Lenin" in the 20-40 range, then "Woo Hoo! Go STALIN!!!" for the next 20, followed by "Ok, So stalin was a bastard, but Kruschev is much cooler", then on to "We're communists, and we wanna rule the world, go us" and they would have had that name thru 2000, and that's just funny to me. Currently their name would be "So we fucked up, no longer a superpower, we like McDonald's, wanna buy a nuke?" If we did this with states too, well, that'd be kinda cool. California would have had to repeat their name from the 70s range of "We have an actor playing governor. Oh, we elected him? You're telling me that this wasn't a joke. Holy Crap, I would say that we're idiots, cause well, we have a FUCKING actor as our governor, what were we thinking?" for now, with the Governator. We could also rename Mississippi into "Awful long name for only 4 different letters" or after the vote on gay marraige ban there (and quoting Jon Stewart) "No Looking at Dudes". Really, what is wrong with people, are they that fucking closed-minded? Which leads me to....

Ok, so new idea. I'm going to make my vote count in the state of georgia. Wanna know how? I'm going to pay off homeless people to kill republicans in mass numbers. I figure they'd shank at least 3 or 4 and all i'd have to do is either pay them $50 or buy them some McyD's. mmmm, chicken mcnuggets, time to kill an idiot. Gotta love those homeless people. They'd make the best hitmen ever, nothing tying them down, no consequence if they get caught other than a place to eat, sleep and shower every day for the rest of their life. And if they get away with it, well, they've got $50 or a full stomach. And nothing spells murder quite like some greasy fries. And this is what's coming to mind, you always see the "Will work for food" signs, but what about the "will kill for food" or "Used to be a hitman, now I have no home, help me!!!" or "I'm just out here cause hired killing is no longer the fad, anyone need someone shanked?" signs? (Oh and I made my 10 questions quota...HA!) And the word shanked, that's just cool. Has that edgy prison feel to it. "Wanna shank him?" It just sounds so tough, as opposed to "Should we off him?" which is still kinda tough, but off v. shank, i'll take shank every day of the week.

And speaking of shanks, I love ribs. Cause shank bone, rib bone, know what i'm saying her? Will you let me finish? I said, let me finish. I miss Ross Perot, he was the most amusing politician ever. Him and Clinton, what a pair. You had the guy who loves sex. And the dwarfish guy with HUGE ears! They were the greatest pair ever!!! If only there was requirement that all elections had to have two entertaining people involved in it. Having two boring assholes, well that makes it suck. I guess I'm just hoping that the debates turn into a cage match. That would be sooooo cool. "Sen. Kerry, your stance on abortion?" "Well, I'm gonna take that Pro-lifer's candy ass and put him in a pile driver, followed by an elbow drop from the top buckle. After that, sleeper hold, people's elbow and an atomic wedgie, then when i go in for the pin, Roe v. Wade stands up. Oh yeah (said in a macho man voice)!!" "Pres. Bush, your rebuttal" "It'll be a leg drop, then people's elbow followed by a widowmaker, then i'm gonna take this year chair, bash it over his head. Afterward, a Boston Crab followed up with a tidlywinks and a dutch oven to finish him off. BYE BYE abortion!" "well, there you have it folks, a steel cage match to determine the fate of abortion rights. next up, cheney/powell v. edwards/daschle to decide on gay marraige bans. Following that broadcast, we have the Governator himself, Ah-nold, taking on every other republican governor in america for a 25 on 1 showdown to decide the fate of Stem Cell research. That should be a good one, but I think the proper intro is right here from the Governator himself." "I will teach all dose puny girly governor types dat stem cells iz the vay to goh. I will break dem in twoo and make dem all vish that dier modder hadt nevah given birs to dem. But aftervard my stem cells vill stave dier puny liddle lives." "there you have it folks a complete preview, if you understood a word that he said. We'll be right back after this break."

That would be soo entertaining. I think that most political stuff is meant to be entertainment. Like fox "news", it's not news, it's entertainment. They're pure propaganda, it's kinda amusing, but they suck. I think instead of FNN they should be FQUNN for Fox Quote-Unquote News Network. Or maybe even FENRNN for Fox Entertainment, Not Really News, Network. They have as much factual base as well, a novelist...and a bad one at that. Oh well, I guess I'll stop talking now. Enjoy my thoughts, they're mine, you can't have them.