Amigos for Christ has been unseated. Most pointlessly stupid advertisement that highly amuses me EVER award has changed hands. The new winner, Testostapro. It starts like this (and I'm not lying) "Men, do you climax too soon...during sex. Hi, I'm Dr. Richard Cohen, MD, and I'm here to tell you about Testostapro, a natural male supplement designed to help you last longer so both you and your partner can enjoy sex more. She'll thank you." Ok, so basically, I have a ton of problems with this ad. First, it's stupid. Who actually buys this shit? Really, what guy is going to admit he's a minuteman? well, I know if I were (and I'm not) I'd never admit it, even to myself. Then there's teh other half, women. Let me just say that if a woman ever gave me anything that would be use to enhance my sex life, it's over. That's like being the manager of a baseball team, walking up to your best pitcher and saying "So, you suck, really, I can think of about a thousand ways that you could be better. And most of them are stuff any normal pitcher has....now go pitch for the rest of your career for me." It's kinda shitty, girls, don't EVER do that, unless you're trying to break up in the cruelest way possible.
Next problem with it. There's this really long, uncomfortable pause after "too soon". It's almost like they want men listening to hear "Men do you climax too soon?" and then say "No, I last a long time." "During sex?" "Oh, yeah, alone, i'm a marathon man, but add someone else into the mix and boom, over before you can start." And then they'll think how testostapro will be the greatest thing ever. Really, i thought up the best way if you ever feel like time will be a little...short. You think sports, and not just sports, but something that really rubs you the wrong way, like Derek Jeter holding the world series trophy. It's foolproof, really, it is.
Problem no. 3 arises "she'll tahnk you". I mean really, is this saying that only a straight man would have climax problems? Or the gay guy on the recieving end doesn't care how long it lasts? I don't think so!!! I have to say that it's just as likely that a straight or gay guy have those kind of problem and also, a girl and a gay guy both want to enjoy the moment, don't they? Or are we running with republican propaganda here and we're going to believe that they're not real people? or lesser people? Cause we all know they don't like either gays or women, it's a fact.
Ok, so basically, we've settled it, it's a bad ad. Probably the worst part about it is taht he introduces himself. Honestly, if i'm asking for help with those kind of issues, i dont' want to know their name. It would be simple, i'd drop cash, they'd drop pills, no names exchanged, complete anonymity. And then there would be plausible deniability. Cops are like "did you buy these climax pills?" "No sir, they were left here by a stranger in a motorcycle gang. Big guy, beard, lots of tattoos, very scary, apparently can't make the minute mark." "You sure it's not yours?" "No, don't know how it got here, find the guy who makes it." Then they'd be at the door of Dr. Richard Cohen, MD, and be like "who bought these pathetic lover pills from you sir?" "I dunno, never saw him, all i can tell you is he has powerful friends, Ben, George, Alexander, Abe, lots of them." Then they'd never pin it on me, they'd have to assume i don't suck in bed, score one for the good guys!
Last problem, just remembered is "Dr. Richard Cohen, MD." Why do doctors feel the need to burrow into our skulls that they spent 8 years getting a piece of paper we don't have? I think after graduation i'll walk up to people and be like "Chemist Ben Nathan, BS" just so tehy have to know that I have a BS in chem. They'll all think i'm some kind of cook/asshole and then it might just click in their head that i'm doing the same thing that most pompous ass doctors do. FUCKERS!
Ok, so that's another rant from me. Hope you enjoyed. And i realized, nobody is putting their fucking name on comments. How can i ridicule you for silly things if you don't leave your name and an embarassing story at the beep? I think the new key is going to be ridiculing them blindly. Anyway, i'm supposed to end with a quote....so here it is "No quote today, live with it bastards." Person who guesses who said that gets a guest spot in the next post.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Meri is an idiot - see how easy it is to post anonymously... Sorry bud, not leaving my name... seeing as you don't give a crap if I think you're a loser, why do you care who I am?
Hey this is your favorite golden mexican, well first off I wanted to clarify the whole sex for gay men thing.... yes some last longer and some dont last. But the beauty of the situation is that gay men are more willing to finish you off if you haven't finished of if they've finished to early, they are more willing to go down on you until you do finish, and the head is better. Also, lets face it, if they're minute men then most likely there going to have to become recievers, thats just he way it works. But everyone wins in this game....
Post a Comment