Let's talk about death, baby

let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good thing and the bad things that kill me, let's talk about death. so i know what you're thinking, isn't this awful morbid for a ben post? Well, no, cause really, i'm not gonna talk about it near as much as you think, for once, i'm actually gonna ramble on with no point. And by saying "for once" i mean, like always. Cause you know me, i like to talk about nothing, it's my forte. Other people are good with computers, some with cars, others with literature, me, i'm good at nothing. And by nothing, i mean, this, cuase this is nothing at its best. I'm working on perfecting nothing. Waiting for the day when i'm in a job interview and they look at me and say "so what are you best at?" and i say "nothing", then they tell me to leave, so i have to explain what i mean by that. That's when they call security and are like "never come back again. And (as i'm getting dragged away) nice resume paper, really stood out." Which i just think would be funny, if they actually told you they liked the paper. That's like them walking up to you and saying, "so, we really don't care about your qualifications, or even if you have experience or education, but if you put down that extra 7 cents, that really says to us, that's a go getter, our kinda guy, those educated types are just a waste of our time. Let's judge by paper, not really anything that matters." Is that what they do? I dunno, i like to think they actually judge on teh snaziness of tie you wear, or for ladies of the tie you would be wearing if you had a penis. I think ties are where it's at. Ever see one of those ties that just makes you go "ooooo, pretty", you know the kind of tie i'm talking about. Like those really nice ones that go well with a suit, make good for interviews, and are snazzy and stuff. And how about the word snazzy, don't you just love it? I mean, is there a better word out there? If so, please do tell me, i think that snazzy is the bestest word out there. It almost sounds like you have a speach impediment cause you're saying a word that just sounds kinda off. Just say it to yourself...SNAZZY. Now say it with an sh at the beginning, shanzzy, sounds a little cooler, and a little more fucked up. Now add another sh later in the z's. Shanshzy. You sound like a 90 year old jewish man who forgot to put in his teeth today. It's the sexiest way to talk ever. Makes you think of George Burns, oh yeah, that's hot, gets those ladies, i mean the sweetness, all flustered just thinking about it. Ok, let your imagination run wild on this one. You and a guy who's say, oh 22, messing around. (realize the subtle hint about age, cause i'm 22, get it?) Then he goes into the bathroom, comes out and boom, he's a 90 year old man, wrinkly and decrepit. Oh, that is SO hot. You know it, just thinking about all the crevices throughout the body, oh, so sexy. And then that little raisin of a penis, that'll be the hottest thing in history. Now, try and get that image out of your head, i dare ya. Ok, so you can't, sorry. But you know that you're gonna be laughing about it for quite a while now. And any time you get in a bad mood, just click your heels together three times and say, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's a really shrively penis on a 90 year old man over there" and that should help with the mood. I think it's more the act of saying, or even just thinking, the phrase "shrively penis" that does it for me. that's just the funniest thing this side of Shnashzy to me. Granted, i can describe a good tie as snazzy, but i can't describe it as shrively penis. And really, when in your life do you get to say those words and it not be really depressing. Cuase the other times you would say it are "i ahve a shrively penis" That's super duper bad. "my husband/boyfriend has a shrively penis" that sucks for you, big time, i mean, it'd be like fucking a cashew, what's the point? But if you say "that guy has a shrively penis" that might be funnier, but then that gets followed up by "how do you know?" which will warrant an explanation. That explanation will probably not be good enough and you'll be there, like you're deserted on a desert island (see new TV show Lost, starring the hobbit dude that's not frodo or samwise, but the other guy) and everyone's staring at you and your 90 year old shrively penis. I think i like typing that. And i made that up, but no, the explanation part, taht would suck, cause the explaning would never be satisfactory and when it finally was, well, you'd be out a ton of pride. So, where was i? oh yeah, death. I was saying, death doesn't always have to be a morbid topic. You can have a line more like "so my buddy, death, we were out last night painting the town red. Ok, so i was just getting drunk, but you know those mythological guys, they take ever thing so seriously. So he goes to home depot, buys 5 million gallons of red paint, and next thing you know, boom, buckhead is red (that rhymed). So when he's in teh middle of it a couple of cops try to stop him, so what's he do? stop, no, he goes, you shoudl get home, your dog's about to die. I mean, this guy was a riot for the first few months, but then, he gets alittle out of control. Get 2 or 3 shots of tequila into death and next thing you know, the family pet's at risk. I think i've learned my lesson, he's sticking to beer. Never gets hungover from it, acts like less of an asshole, and well, you know, death hungover, that leads to lots of strange occurences. He was telling me some hangover stories. JFK, fifth of jack the night before in houston. RFK, well, let's just say the reaper likes his reefer. Marilyn Monroe, he went the wrong frat party (you know which one) and woke up saying "damn those roofies, now i have to kill a famous young person to make me feel alive again." Which that's kidna funny, cause he's never been alive, he's just this mythical entity. So yeah, death, that sucks.

And st heard something about people being stuffed into coffee cups, that would hurt. Alot.

Also, why have cups you can't put in teh dishwasher? That's the kind of thing that an incompetent social chair would do. Wait, wait, he did. My B. So tonight's guess the quote is this "Everybody needs money, that's why they call it money."