Don't read this...It's about you

This post goes out to my roomie, and one of my best friends, Skokie. He's an idiot, he knows he's an idiot, well, hell, we all know he's an idiot, but we love him anyway. Basically, he's about the only person that I know who would write about something online that he didn't want someone to know. And of course, with his luck, they read it, and boom, that's that. So this post goes out to all my loyal readers....it's about you :)

First off, let's start with the honeys, or as they will be referred to for the rest of the post, sweetness. So I've decided that sweetness is a wonderful thing. They're nice, they torment you, but really, without the torment, would the nice really feel that nice? It's kind of like if all you ever ate was candy, wouldn't it stop tasting good? So here's what you do guys, you line up two sets of sweetness, one that torments the ever living hell out of you, and one that does the exact opposite. It's almost like jumping from the pool to the hot tub, and oh my does that transition feel awesome, except when you hop in and you get one of those hugs shorts bubbles and it looks like you fart this humungous fart when you push it out of your shorts (and face it, when else in your life can the phrase "push it out of your shorts" be completely innocent like that). The other time that transition sucks is when you go in, then stand up real quick and boom, naked. I mean, it feels nice, but damn, it's embarassing (not for me, i don't get embarassed, but for all the other people there who have to stare at my special spots). OK, so they don't have to stare, but they do, cause it's like "this might be wrong, oh well, that's a special area, and I see it." It's almost like they let you into area 51 for a general tour, not like sneaking in. Cuase if you get there by less overt means (like getting me in bed :-P) then it's ok, but if you get the public view (see Hot Tub) well, that's just wrong, think strip club but i get no money :( So where was I? Oh yeah, sweetness, which i think should really be something more along the lines of bitter-sweetness, cause every fly honey sweetness (and yes, i know, i'm white, and i mean really white) loves to torture guys, they know they do, if they say they don't, they're lying. But hey, take the good with the bad, enjoy them both, have a ball, two in fact, and smile.

Then on to the other side of the spectrum (from the angle of the sweetness) the dudes, we'll call them ABBNQSTLICCAYKI (Almost Ben But Not Quite So They Lack In Certain Capacities And You Know It) or for short nuh-uhs (cause when you ask if they're me, you go "nuh-uh"). Ok, so that name makes me look SOOOOOOOO egotistical, but well, first, i'm kidding, second, if you really think i'm serious (or that egotistical) maybe you're just compensating for your insanely small penis/IQ (whichever insults you more). So the nuh-uhs, well, including me in this, we're idiots. We do the DUMBEST SHIT EVER!!! and on a fairly regular basis. Sometimes we realize it and then make the "I'm a fucking moron, please forgive me" call, sometimes we don't and someone goes "you're an ass for xyz reason" and we go "I'm a fucking moron please forgive me". So that's not all that funny, i Know, but it is fact and i felt it needed to be said. The thing about us is that we're morons, natural morons, and when it comes to those fly fly honey sweetness of lady women-type sexiness (as many descriptions as i could fit) we act even dumber. Our minds have these switches that kind of go "on for school, off for women" or in my case "off for school, off for women, off for partying, on for baseball". i've learned to cope, there are 5 things I'm good at in this world, and three relate to this blog :(

Ok, so that's my sad case, i'm pathetic, i really do nothing all day except work, i have so little social life left that when i get to act like i have one, i get all excited and fuck it up. Silly rabbit, social is for cool people, or those with the time for it. And have you ever wondered about that rabbit? I mean, really, what was he on? I always say he was a tweaker (speed addict) cause he constantly comes up with the insanely retarded plans to steal a bowl of fucking cereal. I mean really, what kind of a moron puts that much effort into 55 cents worth of cereal? I've already talked about this before regarding Barney Rubble i do believe, but this is worse. Only a tweaker would think up "if i dress up, win first place in this competition, i can win some fucking cereal." Not "I can win, get an endorsement, buy 1000x as much of the shit with my new found stash". Really, what company wouldn't pay tons for a talking skating, surfing, rollerblading, etc. rabbit? I know if i owned one, I'd give him all the cereal he'd ever want. Morons over at post, sitting on a gold mine and not exploiting it, they should loan him out to starter companies, it's brilliant. You just wish you thought shit like this up too.

So for the day, i bid you adu with "Do I look anarexic or bolemic skinny?" (did i spell anarexic and bolemic right? and regardless, cookie to the person that knows the movie, tie-breaker if you know the character/person playing them)