That's a spicy a meataballa

So yeah, two posts, less than 24 hours, what are you going to do? Explode? That's not my suggestion. I was going to suggest drinking until there is nothing left to drink. cause really, given the choice would you rather read this while existing as particulate matter stuck to the walls in a post explosion phase or would you prefer reading this drunk? I would side with drunk, since it would make my random rants and raving writings seem almost coherent, or even less so and in turn more amusing.

But today I had to write cause i realized what is the worst torture ever, the dentist. Not becuase they prod your teeth or it might hurt, but due to the real injustice. They make you sit in the ultra-super-crazy-amazingly comfortable chair, and then they make you stay awake in it while they fiddle with your teeth. I think those crazy arab fuckers out there (and if you don't know whether you're one or not, you probably are) have nothing on a dentist. I mean, those guys put you in uncomfortable situations and make them less comfortable. Now imagine the shock your body would go thru if they made you both exceedingly comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Think about it....ok, done. So now you see my point? good, I don't, so i'll just assume you know what i was talking about back there and I no longer have any clue. I think now's a time for a short break, i'll be right back to finish this sucker up. Time is currently 1:59 PM...

Time is now 2:00 am. short break is over. after talking to my only reader (and yes, i know more than one person reads this, but that's her new title) i've decided to get this one started again. so let's go over what i realized today. People are stupid until they prove themselves otherwise, even if only for a second. If you are unable to prove that you have any intelligence at all, i will submit my request to the desk at the white house you be taken out back and treated like you're a dog and "Old Yeller" is about to end. Speaking of old movies, I really like them. I think more people need to see the classics, like "Seven Samauri" or "Von Ryan's Express". But if you think those are too old for you, i would suggest the contemperary classics such as "Attack of the Killer Tomatos", "Killer Klowns from Outer Space", "Weekend at Bernie's 2" and of course, the greatest film of the last 25 years "The Day After Tomorrow". Note: If you think this last sentence was serious, please do the world a favor and remove your baby making organs. Since it would be illegal for me to kill you, i'd prefer you were removed from the gene pool by some permanent manner other than that.

So back to the classics. I really think that Attack of the Killer Tomatos should be required viewing in every film class as an example of what not to do unless so stoned you can't tell which direction is up or what a really really shitty film looks like. As far as killer klowns goes, it must be watched for many reasons. First, the bad guys are fucking clowns, how stupid is that. I mean, it worked in It, but that's cause it wasn't really a clown. These dumbasses went, you know what'd be cool, clowns that kill people, wouldn't that be scary? Now what kind of a idiot thought this was a good idea. I mean, the script comes across your desk, you read it and say "wow, this'll make us millions!!! i thought waterworld was where it's at, and boy was i wrong, this one's even better, let's make both." But yeah, this movie, has ingenious things in it like turning people they kill into giant cotton candy things and then thye used these huge crazy straws that they stuck into them to suck the blood out. I mean, really, these people, they should be shot for coming up with such a bad movie. If not shot, i say we drown them in the proverbial gene pool, by holding them under a hot tub at a skeezy motel, i mean there have to be plenty of genes in there. It probably doesn't get cleaned all that often either. So we're talking about the closest thing to the gene pool is a hot tub full of "genes". Anyway, back to the classics right?

So weekend at bernie's 2, which from this point forward will just be referred to as Andrew McCarthy Career Killer or AMCK, cause that's what it did. Yeah, this movie, I mean, the first one was funny, but really got old. Cuase dragging a dead guy around for 90 min. not only is pretty disgusting, i mean imagine the smell, but really, could you fool that many people for that long? I can only imagine it. I die before i have to make some major presentation and i have this assistant that decides he'll convince everyone i'm alive by walking with me over his arm for days, telling them i'm drunk. Then they'll all go, that ben, so silly, always drinking to the point where we don't know if he's dead or not, wait, is he dead? I don't know...hahahahaha. I mean, really, Andy, what were you thinking....the first one, you could have hidden it in the vaults, pretended you never did it, or even enjoy that you were in a cult classic, but my god what do you do? Make AMCK, a sequel. And what happens in it? he gets cursed so he walks around looking for this gold. And the hilarity ensues when he starts to wander all over jamacia. Wow, best script since KKFOS i swear. But yeah, i mean, really, what person actively pursues ways to kill their careers. A sequel of a movie about a dead guy. how much can you do before it gets WAY too old, shoot him a few times? wait, they did that, 5 times. Drop him? many times. Lose him? half the movie. I mean, i thought the gag got old about 4 years earlier when they made teh first one, but that must be just me. Hopefully someone out ther agrees with me on this.

Last and certainly not least, this generations second greatest comedy (behind Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, but more about that some other time, go see it!!!) The Day After Tomorrow. I know what you're saying, "wasn't that a disaster movie?" the next armageddon, deep impact, or maybe even if it's lucky Volcano. But no, they got what they wished was half as good as Dante's Peak ( an absolute bomb if you didn't remember, which unlike AMCK, Pierce Brosnan hid it away and nobody remembered it, they just remember movies like bond and Thomas Crown Affair, smart man, Andy, why coulnd't you be like him? do you see a Dante's Peak 2: Dante's Crack? No, LEARN PEOPLE LEARN!!!). So DAT, this movie was so ridiculous and stupid that I think even the experts in the movie were going, wait, this is full of shit, this can't happen. I just realized I'm in a movie that was made by hippies to warn us about global warming. That's kinda cool and groovy. What's not cool and groovy is that i think they wrote it on acid or shrooms, possibly even X. But this script had no lines outside of RUN!! SAVE ME!!! for a good 30 min. But that's not what makes this so funny, that's only part. My favorite line in the whole movie comes from the character that you have to hate cause he's the rich prick that steals the girl the sweet main character pines for. So Jake Gyllenhall is this sweet kid and he sees the girl and is pining for her when the "asshole" comes over and says "Just tell her how you feel..." I mean really, just tell her how you feel? Two things wrong with that more than the other stuff. First, for that character to say it was just comical. Second, that's the kind of thing that a girl can say, if a guy ever says just tell her/him how you feel, he's not gay, cause not even gay guys do that, he's just a guy that wishes he was a girl and you know what, he might just be a cross-dresser. But yeah, highly comical. i just laughed and laughed the whole movie. And i realized it could have been salvaged if the movie ended about 5 minutes before it did, but then, the stupidity kept flowing, i mean, really you have to see this to believe it, i can't even explain how bad it was. Ok, time for sleep, talk to you tomorrow mr. blog, maybe, or it could be next week. Only my only reader will know.