If only everyone were as good looking as me, then we wouldn't need ugly people, would we?

or something like that. It sounded witty in my head anyway. Cause I mean, if everyone looked like me, then I guess nobody would be beautiful or ugly, they'd all be me. In other words, this would no longer be earth, but planet Dead Sexy! And if they all looked like me, would they think kinda like me too? I mean, wouldn't that be a possibility, that everyone is driving and then regardless of who's at fault, they all think they're the good driver and the other person should be removed from the gene pool. And speaking of removing people from the gene pool....

So on my way back from the officers' meeting, I hear this commercial that went something like this..."Nicaragua isn't it the news that much anymore. There are people here who suck at life. Help them with our program 'Hooked on Nutrition'. We'll give them a sack of ho-hos and maybe a twinkie if they roll over, play dead, and even do our favorite trick, read. So donate to us, the Amigos for Christ, to save those silly mexican wanna-bes down in Nicaragua." Ok, so that wasn't quite it, I really only remembered the first line and the name of the group and that they send food to the people, so the rest is made up, big shock there. Anyway, i forget where I was going cause i got sidetracked by a 45 min. phone conversation. 10 pts. if you can guess who the conversation was with, 10 if you can guess what it was about, 10 if you are that person, and 10 if you bring me candy. Anyone totalling 30 points is ultra cool, 40 pts, well, then thank you 100 lbs. of fury. But yeah, so Amigos for Christ. I really thought it was a joke at first. Like it sounded the kind of quality that you would hear if SNL was a radio show and that was the fake commercial for the show. I was almost expecting them to be like "Amigos for Christ will send them one package of chips a day with salsa. Every third day, they get nacho cheese, every fifth day, they get beef topping. on that fifteenth day, we throw in a few beers and it's a party!!! Who says the poor and impoverished in Nicaragua can't have a siesta now and again?" I really wish that had been the way it went, would have been much better. The real problem is that the commercial got me thinking about Sally Struthers, and if you ever want a joykill, just picture her, and BOOM!

So, anyway, where was I? I think I had a point to today's blog, but then wait a second, these never have a point, they're just pointless ways for me to rant and get people to slowly but surely agree with my right-thinking attitude. And when i say right thinking, i mean correct, not right wing (for those who need verification, read the "'pubs are stupid" post), cause that would be a horrible mistake. I think if everyone thought like me, even better than if they looked like me, well, then we'd all be a lot smarter on average. Not saying I'm a genius or anything, but if you gave my intelligence to all the fuckin' idiots out there in the world, you realize that this would be smarter on average. Granted, we wouldn't have any real geniuses around, and we'd lose more braincells to rugby than otherwise, but hey, woulnd't be so stupid that velcro would need directions.

Ever notice that, they have directions for everything now. I mean, really, who needs directions for soap, or shampoo, or anything like that. I'm waiting for the banana with directions on the peel. one side with have a nice drawn out demonstration, and all the others will just have "peel me" written on them. And I can just imagine the day when someone is so dumb they peel the banana with directions and they peel the side with the diagram on it, so once they 've peeled that one side, they have to find a way to hold that side up long enough to apply the diagram to each side in turn til the thing is edible. I'm imagining the scenario with the monkeys all making fun of us for being so damned stupid and they're just sitting there eating their bananas by common sense, and we're sitting there reading the freaking directions. Then, they take the gun, and we sign to them "give back teh gun." and they say "give me the fucking bananas" and we're like "you can speak english?", so they say "yes, now give me the fucking bananas." Eddie Izzard reference for those that didn't catch it.

So what else was there going on? not much since it's about 2 am and i think 6 hours sounds like a good amount of sleep. Hopefully tomorrow is a new day and i can get over myself and do what i need to get done before it's no longer doable. Or something lke that, which i say alot. I seem to say the same kinds of things alot. not ideas, but actual words, like "ever notice that..." or something along those lines. whatever, you think it's funny, just live with it. So from the whitest guy alive "peace out and shake a tailfeather" (isn't that what I say when i want to be blacker?)