The Joker to Their Batman...

So i've realized that everyone needs to have a mortal enemy, I have mine and you most likely have yours.  Here's what a job listing for it would look like.
Wanted:  Mortal Enemy
Requirements:  Must be hated by myself.  Must hate me.  When they are asked if I hate them, must have an answer between yes and no, but not either (acceptable answers include not sure, could be, might be true, possibly, etc.).  Same when I am asked about them.  Must have been friends, preferably very good friends, the better the friend, the more bitter the enemy.  You have mutual friends that know the two of you hate eachother.  You act perfectly civil to eachother when in the presence of those friends.  When the two of you are alone, you still act civil because neither of you wants to let the other know how much you despise them.  You will never do anything overt that would give your hatred away, you won't even do something subtle, since that might ruin future plans to ruin their life, your ultimate play, or something like that.  You can actually come up with plans relating their future that when you tell them to someone, they think you're a sick bastard, but you think it's perfectly acceptable.  You assume they have 2 plans for every one you have for them.
Deal-Breakers:  You have told them you hate them or the other way around.  You have had a falling out and the two of you refuse to be in the same area at the same time.  You have executed the ultimate plan (and it worked or didn't doesn't really matter, cause they can't be your mortal enemy if you've already defeated them by now).  You have only known them as an enemy, meaning it was hatred from the start, you skipped both the indifferent and liking stages.

So that's what you need to find your mortal enemy, and you know you have one.  If you can figure out who mine is, feel free to tell me and i'll give you candy if you're right.  Don't post it though, i wouldn't want him/her to know just how much i despise them, now would i?

Now that brings me to the title.  I figure that being someone's mortal enemy makes me the Joker his/her Batman and him/her the Joker to mine.  But really, to win, you have to have a nice balance between Joker and Batman.  If you're too Joker, that makes you evil and you lose all sorts of redeming qualities and stuff, I don't know, something about the bad guy never wins or something like that.  If you're too Batman, well, then you're too busy being good, and you're bound to lose cause you'll never attack and you can't win without an attack here and there, and well, nice guys always finish last.  So you do have to balance it, but lean toward Joker, cause evil is not only more effective, but fun too.

And next, mortal enemies...cause there are tons of them in this world.  I mean, there are the really easy to notice ones, like Joker/Batman, Lex Luthor/Superman, Magneto/Professor X, and those ones are really the epitome of the evil v. good.  I mean, Joker is like the evilest most straight-forward bad guy ever, Luthor is the very "I'll fuck with your life, but not you cause that would be an overt attack on you" guy, and Magneto, well, he and X are best friends and mortal enemies, making them the most bitter enemies of all.  But that got me to thinking (and I know, that's trouble) there must be all forms of fun rivals in this world, and not in sports or something obvious like that, but where.  So, here goes...Candy/Dessert.  I know, you may be thinking to yourself, candy, well, it's just candy, but I say, it's diabolical.  Candy and Milk, mortal enemies.  You can have the two together, but they don't quite work.  They're always fighting for the same group, the sweet loving crowd.  And yes, milk, cause it leads to cake and ice cream, etc., but candy, that's pure sugar.  So candy is sitting there, thinking, going "well, milk's wedding is coming up, and he's invited me, very interesting what to do?"  So he goes on (and i know they're both guys, but really he is just so much easier for me, don't ask why) and comes up with the idea that he can go to the wedding and either be evil, very evil, extremely evil, or make the devil fucking jealous.  So candy goes to the reception and weighs the options, evil=get drunk and act unruly during the whole thing, very evil=object to marraige and give fake reason why that will fuck it up, extremely evil=with them good luck, give them a nice present, be the best guest at the wedding, let everything stay perfectly normal, then get milk's wife into bed and take pictures... Then, last but certainly not least, make the devil fucking jealous (and this is my most evil thought yet) goes to wedding and does everything but the wife part, acts like a great friend for about 20 or so years, buys toys for birthdays of the kids (let's say they have 2, nice round number) sends checks, etc., then come the time the kids are about 18 and 20 (nice round numbers again) candy gets them into a threesome, makes a video and sends it to dad.  Now that, that is evil personified.  Candy, most likely in the Mike & Ike form cause they're my favorites, decides that this is just evil enough, and should work, but also has to wait 20+ years for this to work, so it's also just passive enough to make it the most diabolical move ever.  If it was an immediate thing, they might see it coming, but you delay it, oh so much more cruel.

You know another one of those enemies i thoguht up, Nougat.  Nougat and Peanuts.  Well, the fight really takes form in the Snickers v. Milky Way front.  Cause they're the same thing, with the exception of the peanut.  But I mean, without the peanut, the snickers is just a Milky Way, and without the nougat, just a Baby Ruth.  While both the MW and BR are very good candy bars, they just don't stack up to the glory that is the snickers.  Well, there was a point in there somewhere, but i have no idea what it is.  Anyway, I love nougat, and what the hell is nougat, no idea.  I think it's yummy goodness, the best yummy goodness this side of mac and cheese.  mmmmmm, mac and cheese, now that's good stuff.  I honestly think I could live off of nothing more than chicken, mac and cheese and the occasionaly veggie.  I'd probably die from malnutrition, but it'd be a tasty way to go.  Alrighty, I'm getting way off base, so please leave me some cool stories or something relating to your mortal enemy, it'll entertain me, and you know you want that.