But for those of you that know me well, you know that I am a bit of a comic book nerd. I realized something earlier today. There are NO jewish superheros, or at least I couldn't think of any. Sure, there are a few characters here and there (such as magneto) but no headlining superhero types. This really shocks me cause a good bit of the great superhero writers were/are jewish, such as Stan Lee and Will Eisner. But still not a one. So i've thought up a few ideas for a jewish superhero. Sure, they're stereotypical and you may think me a horrible person for coming up with them, but i think they're funny, ya bastards. Ok, well, maybe not hysterical funny, but good enough to get by, and you're gonna sit there and like it.
The Yid Kid - well, ok, so not a superhero, he's just a sidekick, but the Yid Kid can do some real damage to a bad guy's psyche. Never once throws a punch or a kick (god forbid he might break something, his mom would throw a fit), he simply talks to the bad guy, slowly placing layers and layers of guilt onto him. A bank robbery, no reason to stop it, he'll simply remind him that not only is he setting a bad example for his kids, stealing money from grandmothers and breaking the law, but worst of all, his mother is ashamed. Slowly but surely the bad guy begins to cave in until eventually he surrenders himself in order to "give his mom reason to smile again."
The Yarmulkopper (that's pronounce Yamacopper) - The Yid Kid's counterpart. He was a cop, his family driven into exile and shame when criminals would badmouth his wife's cooking. Taking an oath to rid the world of such vile aspects as people who don't like a good matzah ball, refuse to drink that fourth glass of passover wine, and think challah is just fancy white bread. With his array of fancy gadgets, evil-doers have learned to fear his famed Tallit of Death. Also known for cleaning the streets, cause his mom would be proud.
Professor Banknote - Formerly known as CPAmazing, this 27 year old is constantly nagged by his mom. Yes, he is an accountant, but that's not quite good enough. He has the most dreaded of all jewish diseases....bachelorhood. Having saved the world 15 times (3 financial, 2 from alien attack, 4 from evil villains, 6 times from republicans) his mom still introduces him as "The Single Son." That being said, ladies....there needs to be a Mrs. Banknote, or else he's going to have to go into hiding, and then we're screwed.
Let's not forget the Jewish Supervillain team, the Guilty Party (like that one? i do). Consisting of the Nag, Shuper-Shiksa, and Rabbi Ridicule. This team has a wicked combo, no man can stand up to their evil plans. The Nag constantly asks you for everything that you don't have. Slowly but surely, your guilt immunity (built up from years of your parents asking you to do stuff) breaks down and then you're doing favors for them even though you don't want to. Shuper-Shiksa, no real power there, she just gets your mom really pissed at you. She's shuper-shexy and as you mess around with her, she takes pictures of you her and a giant fuck off cross, then sends tehm to your mom. No need for her to take action, the one that brought you into the world then plans to take you out of it. Last, the leader, Rabbi Ridicule. He reminds you of all the ways you just aren't living up to expectations. Sure, you may be a lawyer or even President of the US, or a Superhero, but that's not good enough. Why couldn't you get into med school, meet a nice jewish girl, settle down, have a couple kids, raise them to be rabbis, bankers and god willing a doctor or two.
Finally, for the 30000th mention in this post, the ultimate Jewish Superhero. Mom! Why do you ask? Cuase if I didn't say that, she'd kill me.
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