Drunk Post

So i'm posting drunk, which moichght be a really bad aieada. This ouc mekeke the lest sensen ever but i9 thinkit's funny that' i'm typeing when thisn drunka d youl're treadoing tit cause youthink tht atoi'm furnnyl. Thea't sryeoadnldytlly cool adn sruff tyeah, go me. i,m rock. yeah mean. i mean me. caus ei' rock
sllepy typme.m i'll finisht htis tomorrow

So did you find your secret decoder ring in the bottom of the bottle? So, now that i'm sober and awake, i realize that this is extremely silly. I don't even know what i said for sure, but it's amusing, you must say.

And another week goes by. So, I guess the idea is that I finish this before 2005. I guess i just lack inspiration, so i'll continue when i'm somewhere that inspires me :-P

Ok, so I know what you're thinking, this is going to be the greatest post ever cause it took me multiple weeks to write, right? well, face facts, you're wrong, that's all there is to it, you're just plain wrong. This post is going to suck. You know why? cause I want it to. But I was thinking about some fun stuff, really, i swear.

I think I have a new favorite pasttime, pushing the snooze button. Everyone loves it, I know I do. And just imagine watching it on TV, it'd be the international snooze button pushing competition. I can see it now, you're given points based on tolerance to the beeping of the alarm (more annoying the alarm, more points for tolerance in relation to time), distance travelled to the snooze button, style with which the button is pushed, style of getting back into bed (big points for sky high belly flops), and points for time to sleep again. I think I could win the olympic gold for that. I mean, really, I let that alarm go for at least thirty seconds every time, then i walk to the alarm, usually pull the "i'm gonna slap you so you shut up, bitch" slap for the button, then jump and land face first asleep in bed. I would say it's quite a sight, but since I never open my eyes (and maybe that should be worth bonus points too) I dunno what the hell it looks like. And even without it being a pasttime for others, I still love it. I think the whole thing is just that I really dislike the idea of waking up at any point in time that is not of my choosing, damned school, making me move my ass anywhere but where I want it. Sad times.

Another realization this week, I have a far more loyal following for this sucker than I ever expected. I really thought that when I started writing maybe one or two people would read it, but it is many many more than that, like 5-10 range at least. WOO HOO! Speaking of "woo hoo" have you seen this video that they put out of these people in Oakland that get these whistler things on their tailpipes. It's one of the funniest damned things ever, cause there is the black guy and his girl both going "it's not that loud, it's like just a little 'woo woo'." I guess you have to see it, but it's soooooooo funny.

Also, what is the deal with Kroger late at night? I thought I was the only sucker that ever went there after midnight, and wow, was i wrong. Went there this week and while there saw at least 5 people I know there. Highly amusing that enough people get the idea to go there that late at night that I will know at least a few of them. I think late night grocery shopping is fun, but a really bad idea. It's like shopping when you're hungry, which we all know leads to superfluous purchases (such as two types of the same chip, a second thing of mayo [different flavor, but still mayo], multiple things of green apple flavor, etc.) and just some things that seem like a good idea at the time, but when you actually think about it are really really stupid. I dunno, i think hunger than insomnia have the same kind of effect on your grocery purchasing abilities. I go from an award-winning (and yes, award-winning, you heard it right) grocery shopper, to the guy that buys cheap meats. Honestly, i don't know if there's anything in the world i love more than a good sandwich, so what the hell am i doing buying cheap meats, really? Oh well, I guess we'll never know, kinda like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. And what was teh deal with that stupid fucking owl...? It was always like "one, two-hooooooo, thu-ree.....crunch!!! Three." Was he that fucking impatient? I thought owls were supposed to be wise, but no, the owl just says, I'm going to be an impatient fuck and make it so this little kid will never know how many licks it takes to get to the fuck-off center of the damned things. I think that has just become a life's mission, to find the exact number of licks it takes to get to the center. I'm going to put down a guess of 278 give or take 17. If i'm right, damn, i'm good cause that was just a random number i put down. If i'm wrong, well, at least I'll know the answer, better than that fucking owl. And when did we decided owls were so wise? they only ask one question over and over again. Wouldn't the parrot be smarter? it can at least say more than one fucking word. I think I want a parrot and I'll teach it to respond to "Polly want a cracker" with "Fuck off you represive prick, parrots have feelings too!!!!" I can just imagine the shock on someones face, they'd be like "what the hell was that? it's like the women's lib movement, only i have less objection." Which i'm kidding, women's lib was teh best thing ever, cause it opened the door for a woman to support me. And i'm taking applications. If you want to be that woman, i'll worship you (most likely) for teh rest of my life, all you have to do is be my sugar momma.

Ok, so that's it for today, i'm done, i'm out. This post was started on Oct. 9th and finished on Oct. 27th, now that's a long time to work on a post.